Wellness. Confidence. Radiance.

That woman in the back of the room, not making eye contact. That man in the corner with his head down. The quiet one at every meeting. That’s me…I admit it…I’m shy! I’ve always struggled with this, and I don’t expect it to change. But, having a better idea of what shyness really is and what it looks like to others is helping me to succeed, in spite of my shy tendencies.
What is shyness, really? It’s a lack of confidence, it’s being self-conscious, it’s not wanting to be the center of attention, it’s caring. What. Others. Think. Of course we care what others think…that’s human nature! We want acceptance. Acknowledgement. Practicing moments of boldness helps to break the chains holding you down. Then comes the realization that people may not always like you or approve of you, but you’ll be fine regardless!
So, what do people really think about shy people? I didn’t realize at first what my being quiet and isolated and private looked like to others until an online friend told me. We had a conversation one night  and as we were finishing up, she said “I’m really glad we talked…I was really scared to ask you a questions, but you are super nice!” WOW! That hurt, and it was the eye-opener I needed!  It really made me think about what message I’ve been sending by trying to protect myself with shyness. I didn’t know that behind my back, I was being called stuckup and snooty. Everyone thought that I felt I was “too good” for them.
How does a shy person overcome this? Fixing this misconception with my existing social network hasn’t come easily…some just need to have a conversation with me. But what about going forward in new and scary situations? I now work very hard to appear welcoming and open with my facial expressions and body language, so that others will approach me if I can’t muster up the courage to speak first. I try to listen to others and learn about them, even if that’s just so I don’t have to talk about myself. And I do something I really dread at times…I share about myself when asked. I’m a normal, boring mom, but guess what? People actually do want to hear about my life. They often tell me how relatable I am, how some part of my story is just like theirs and it makes them feel better knowing someone who understands them better. In the end, my best tip for overcoming shyness is to be a good friend. Simple.
Whether you have been the shy one in the back of the room, or you come across someone that seems stuck up or standoffish…practicing boldness, presenting yourself as approachable, and simply being a good friend…these are great tactics to overcome the situation. And for me, if I sink into my chair, or talk too fast, or divert my eyes…I’m not trying to be rude, it’s just me not getting it right that day!